Tag Archives: grandparents

Losing a Grandparent

One of the most dreaded days of our lives is the day you wake up knowing that one who gave you life is no longer present on earth with you. It’s a very lonely feeling that for the past 6 months I had to pray my way through. As difficult as it was (is) for me, it’s even more heart breaking to watch your children grieve after explaining to them that their “MeMe” is now an angel in heaven and will no longer be physically present for them. Even though I am coping with my own grieve of losing my mommy, my children’s feeling of loss far outweighed my own and in essence served as a way to help me find a new normal.

The day my mommy left this earth felt like a blur. It’s still very surreal to this day. Instantly, as her daughter and eldest child, I felt an obligation to make sure that the woman who gave me the best of her had a send off that would make her proud. I went into automatic drive making her arrangements alongside my dad and brother. I didn’t get the opportunity to truly process what had occurred until I had to explain my mom’s passing to my children. My oldest son, who is 10, took her loss rather hard. He understood the permanence of death. The twins on the other had a difficult time grasping the concept of my mom being gone. My husband and I explained that MeMe was now in heaven with the Lord and having taught them who God was since they could talk, they took the explanation pretty well. I had to remind them of this often, especially when we  would go to my parents house and the first question they would ask was “where’s MeMe”? Now when one of them ask of her whereabouts, the other will say “MeMe is in heaven with the Lord”. Hearing them say that makes me sad and smile all at once because though I miss her soooooo much, she has gained her place beside the Throne of God.

Grief is an unexplainable phenomenon that effects people differently. My mommy was an AMAZING woman who could bring sunshine anywhere she went by her bright smile. I choose to cherish her memory by wearing that same smile on my face to bring happiness to those around me. She taught me so much, and to me it would be a disgrace to her life to be anything but jovial. I look at my children everyday and smile knowing not only how much I love them, but how much she loved them. I thank God for the copious amounts of photos I took or the beautiful cards she would write just to remind them they were loved. These memories will forever serve as a testament of her unconditional love.

Losing my mother was a experience that no amount of time could have gotten me ready for, but it’s the not-so-good part of life. I believe occurrences such as this is where the adage “live each moment to the fullest” came from because no amount of time of earth is guaranteed. My mommy truly lived like this and touched many people while doing so, one of which was mine. She will always be the brightest light that radiates from my soul and I am forever grateful to God that he chose me to be her daughter. 💗

                           I Listened

I listened when you said “baby always make time pray”

I listened when you said “I know He’ll make a way”

I listened when you said “because of Him I live”

I listened when you said “you were the best of me I could give” 

I listened when you said “trouble doesn’t last always”

I listened when you said “hold your head high and articulate what you have to say”

I listened when you said “sorrow only last a night”

I listened when you said “but joy comes in the morning light”

I listened when you said “baby girl you must be smart”

I listened when you said “you will always be my heart”

I listened when you said “I might not be here throughout all your days”                                       

I listened when you said “but I gave you my love that will last always”

-Virronica Dixson

Double Care

There is no better feeling than to see the babies you’ve given birth to interact with the wonderful  people who gave birth to you. There is an irreplaceable love that instantly forms from the moment they gaze into one another eyes.  So what happens when you need to become caregiver of not only your kids but your parents too? What I would suggest are to pray, get rest and try your hardest to find balance.

During my 2 month hiatus, my mother fell ill.  Not only was it stressful worrying about my mother’s recovery, but also finding a way to be present for everyone including my kids, sibling, parents and spouse. Being at the hospital until late, picking up my children, cooking and still maintaining a decent household very quickly took its toll.  As a woman, we have a propensity to keep going and going until we become physically and mentally tapped out. Once I became noticeably agitated and exhausted I knew it was time to make some alterations. I had to set specific times to visit my mom at the hospital, allowing me more time to spend and truly enjoy the company of my husband and children without feeling overwhelmed.

Of course being at the hospital, I wanted to make sure my mom was being cared for properly. Once I was satisfied with the care, it made it easier to sleep at night knowing she was in good hands. I also learned to accept help from family members and close friends who had experienced similar occurrences  in their lives and wanted nothing more than to help and be there for my mom and family. This made it easier to devote more time to my children and husband without the guilt of not being present at the hospital 24/7 and it was necessary for my own mental stability.

I also learned that though I wanted to be everywhere and do everything, it wasn’t possible. I had to take time out for me which would consist of me relaxing on the couch watching the latest tv show or alone time with my husband watching a movie. Just recently my wonderful husband surprised me with tickets to see Janet Jackson which was a GREAT and much needed date.

Though I’m still learning how to cope with being a duel caregiver, I have been taught by others who have walked this road before not to feel guilty for taking time for yourself. It’s not only desirable but necessary. As my aunt told me, “you can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first”. If your lucky enough to have parents as great as mine, taking care of them is something you take pride in because of the morals they have instilled in you and the opportunities they’ve made possible. Love and honor your parents remembering that everyday is not promised so cherish every moment and never EVER take them for granted.