I went through so many different emotions when I found out I was pregnant with twins. At first I couldn’t believe that there were two, then I became excited, amused, shocked, confused, upset, scared and finally overjoyed. I had so many thoughts running through my mind at one time such as, “How would be able to care for two little beings at one time? Would I be able to show them enough attention to each baby while still being the best mom I could for my son? Could we even AFFORD having two babies at once”?These thoughts ran loops around my mind constantly, sometimes masking the joy I felt.
After three miscarriages following the birth of my son Elijah, I was mad at myself for having the NERVE to be upset. I thought to myself, “How dare you have the audacity to even be anything other than happy and grateful considering what you have gone through”. I would talk to myself (and God) all day long. I often times reminded myself that God will not put more on me than I could bear and wherever He guided, He would also provide.
I hadn’t made it past the first trimester with my last three pregnancies, so once I made it past 13 weeks I knew everything would be alright. Knowing in my mind everything would be fine, I began to think about how much my reality would soon change and it made me nervous and excited all at the same time. I had gotten so used to it being just my husband, our son and I, that I never stopped to think about how our much our lives would change once the twins arrived.
Going through so many physical and hormonal changes, working full time, trying to still be the best mom and wife I could be while thinking about the future brought on extra and unnecessary stress. My doctor, having worked in the field for over 30 years, took me off work at 5 months to ensure the babies and my health. At 7 months I went on strict bed rest due to my cervix shortening which heightened risk of pre-term labor. This was probably the HARDEST part of my pregnancy because I had to completely rely on my husband to take care of everything from the cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping etc. I felt horrible because now EVERYTHING fell on his shoulders. He managed to keep the household together while managing my physical and emotional health and for that I could never thank him enough.
During the last two months of my pregnancy, I had 1-3 appointments every week. Between seeing my OB-GYN and having ultrasounds, my little angels were well taken care of in utero. I used to call my appointments my weekly outings because other than that, I didn’t leave the house.
Once my due date neared excitement began to take over. Every sonogram made me eager to meet my little ones and at 9:23 pm and 9:25 pm on June 24, 2013 my little angels made their arrival, Valeia weighing in at 5lbs 9oz and Isaiah at 6lbs 8oz. I was so thankful to have made it full term, just three hours shy of 38 weeks. More than that both my daughter and son were healthy and just too precious for words. All the emotions I experienced through my entire 9 months and the only one that stood out was love and that’s the only thing I have felt ever since.
Even after all the late nights, long days, hundreds of diaper changes, baths, puked on clothes, smiles, laughs and cries, I wouldn’t change a thing. My journey, though no where near done, seemed a little rough in the beginning has become my greatest reward. All the hurt and pain I went through just made me cherish all my children even more and feel the inexplicable joy they bring to my life.
Every day I thank the Lord for putting not one but two more incredible human beings in my life. He truly gave me double for my trouble even when I thought that I was incapable of handling what was seemingly such a large load, he gave me the strength to carry it. I have found that in life the greatest pleasures are found in the smallest packages. Every smile, every laugh, every giggle is a renewing experience proving love and happiness to be infinite.
Life is truly a blessing and I am cherishing every moment.